i'm scared.

the thoughts of the possible future scares me. but my creative rainbowish imagination often overcome them.

i'm confused on which to believe in. i'm scared.

it's the last day of syawal so i'd like to ask for forgiveness from everyone -although they might not read this- for my past & future immaturity. selamat hari raya :)

i'm losing the fights.

that day, we cried.

what a small world. i believe if the probability is to be calculated, we wouldn't even have a slightest to chance to meet. yet, fate made us met, yesterday. or was it a coincidence?

million of thoughts ran at once, once my sight fell on a recognisable face, once the elevator door automatically opened itself.

out of the 7 continents that exist, we met there. how long has it been, 2 years? probably more.

she ran away at the second she saw me, looking panic. i smiled weakly, and simply walked out, leaving the place. i believe that both of us were strucked by a sudden rush of adrenaline.

although i have set things right, but i still know it well that it was my fault. but life simply goes on.

i could really use some hugs rn.

i should buy a huge doll to hug on. i want patrick since i love him.

i need some hugs

they often run towards me to hug me. i miss my nieces and nephew.

out of my reach, but still

regret. the feeling i dislike the most.

actually, their words amused me.

i refuse to believe that someone is capable of predicting my future. sorry ;)

time machine.

i feel like hurting myself up for still comfortly dwelling in procrastination.

i need a miracle

i'm currently spiraling towards the 3-seconds-comfort of failure. WHAT AM I DOING!?

it made him smile.

once upon a psychology class, a teacher explains the meaning of 'irrational thoughts'.

some examples that caught a boy's attention were 'perfectionist' and 'thinking that it's possible to make everybody likes you'.

for 20 years of living, i've been thinking in an irrational way? :)

emptiness of a vulnerable heart.

i couldn't help feeling nothing but empty.

as if i've lost someone, whom has been a part of pieces of a puzzle of my complicated life.

but i don't know who.

for considerations

shut up & listen.

one step at a time.

deactivated my facebook account. deactivated my twitter account. deleted my chatbox.
currently; thinking of privating this blog.

all of those are temporary. until the battle is over.

last time, i made a promise not to touch my guitar. but forgive me, i have went completely insane this afternoon cause all my spirits were crushed. and playing my guitar is what i always do especially when i'm down. so i went psycho and sang-accompanied by guitar playing-out loud at my veranda. yes, they were loads of people passing by as one of my neighbours was having an 'open-house'. and yes, i don't care. goodnight :)

you may laugh.

but i'm gonna do the impossible. bismillah.

i'm.. scared.

failing. it's currently my biggest fear. i don't want to let my parents down. so please, someone out there, please put both of your hands together and pray.

“dear Allah, please make it easier for us to study. please make it easier for us to achieve our dreams. and please make it easier for us to be a successful person, before and after our death. amin”

this is.. weirdly nice. :)

i was puzzled when i found a parcel of magazine attached with some letters addressed to me this very afternoon. one of the letter says that my poem entitled 'berkawan' has been published in a mekar magazine august's 2011 derivative. i didn't recall i ever did one. but then, i burst into a sheepish laughter. i did send it, back when i was in form 1. 6 years ago.

anyway, i received a late birthday present this morning from ichah. THANKS! you shouldn't have :(

the kinder surprise chocolate contained a toy. i simply adore it! cause indirectly, it means that i'm not old enough to stop playing with toys. HEHE ;)

assalamualaikum & goodnight.

don't leave me.

our journey is about to end. some are going to laugh and fly off. some are going to smile and continue the journey with cars. and some are guaranteed to weep.

i may not have a magic ball to predict the future, but i can roughly predict the future of my beloved ones. friends, as well as my sister. they have a very bright chances of getting a scholarship, in which is, and has always been the dream of most people around me. including me.

i don't want them to go, cause i'll definitely miss them. i feel envy & sad simultaenously too. but at the same, i don't want to be-and i won't let myself to be-the reason for them to stay. so, i wish to go with you guys.

and so, i bought a book to help me, on which its inside cover i wrote : in hope to get a scholarship to UK with beloved friends and sister. AMIN.

pray for us, will you?

i'll make my own rainbow.

they say this, they say that.

well look out world, i'm gonna prove you wrong.

i'll miss you, till death do us apart.

assalamualaikum.

today, i received most of my mock papers back. although it's not official, but i got 2 U's already. expected from maths & physics. psycho, we haven't receive it yet. as for gp, i scored 62%, a C, 8 marks to B. now, i have made promises to myself and one of them is if i don't scored at least a B on gp, i'll retire from playing guitar for awhile, just till A2 is finished. 2-3 months. so, goodbye my loyal friend, for now.

loads of love.

it has been exactly a month since that day. the special day.

a surprise from beloved family, a suprise from beloved friends, and a surprise from a girl who used to be a special person. okay, i lied. she still is.

thank you.